[ A trigger warning is in order as this post mentions sexual misconduct and abuse as well as death. ]

In 2019, American punk-rock band Heart Attack Man released their sophomore album, the excellent Fake Blood, and the start of my story with them. After seeing their name float all over scene Internet, I checked them out and got sucked into their strange little universe, full of tiny places where my anger was okay and valid and fans being called "Carrot Gang" from a hyperactive Twitter account. Before their 2021 EP, Thoughtz & Prayerz, the band released two songs. The first one was the scathing Notes App Apology, a stab at people, band members, most likely, who got caught being abusive, questionable, and problematic, and whose responses were cliché'd statements sent via their phone's notes application. (My favourite part of the lyrics is: "I found God now, everyone thinks that it's a cop-out / Cleansed me of all my misdeeds, redeemed, and saved me / I found Jesus / Absolved me of all my demons / I'll pray you heal from how I damaged you irreparably" - Austin Carlile, anyone?) The second track, which came out in July 2021, was Old Enough 2 Die, a deceivingly light-hearted sounding number, all almost-vintage rock vibes, narrating the story of a father murdering his wife and young daughter, likely over a family altercation. ("This was such a lovely evening / We're gonna make the headlines tomorrow / A celebration gone so horribly awry / Father kills his wife and daughter.")

From then onwards, it became almost impossible to predict which way the band would be going, even after they announced their forthcoming EP, Thoughtz & Prayerz. It came out on November 5th on Triple Crown Records, and it blew me away. If you aren't familiar with Heart Attack Man's music, first of all, what are you waiting for, and second of all, if I had to sum Fake Blood up in one sentence, for reference, it would be: "Would have been all-over-the-radio huge twenty years ago but alas, the current mainstream is not a big fan of grungey guitars anymore. Still bangs, though." With Thoughtz & Prayerz, the band took a drastic departure from this sound, and from everything I could have possibly expected from them, and "drastic" still feels like a bit of an understatement.

Puke, the opening track, makes the word sound almost unreal by the end of it and steers into heavy metal territory. (In an article on BrooklynVegan, frontman Eric Egan cites Beastie Boys and Pantera as influences.) You know, anger in music and lyrics is sometimes frowned upon or seen as immature and childish. As a pretty ordinary human being, I haven't magically stopped being angry at the world, at its sheer stupidity and, at, I don't know, hunting season and 24-hour news channels, when I grew up. I'm still angry every once in a while. And I like angry music. I need sounds and words to channel this anger, whether it's about something I can relate to or not. Stray From The Path gave us Badge & A Bullet, While She Sleeps gifted us ANTI-SOCIAL, and now, Heart Attack Man has offered us Puke. "You make me want to fucking puke." Super straightforward and applies to everyday situations, really. (Also, in the words of Eric Egan, it "sounds like wrestling music," and it's a crossover I didn't really know I needed. I'm fairly neutral about wrestling, but they always have kickass music in the background.)

Wondering where the title of the EP comes from? From what I understood in the Good Noise Podcast episode Egan appeared on a couple of weeks ago, it's a reference to how, when something horrible happens in the world, the people in charge and the powers that be respond with "thoughts and prayers," as in something that does nothing of substance to help the situation. Misspelling it adds even more to the uselessness of it, because, as the title track repeats in the chorus, like a mantra: "Thoughts and prayers / No one cares." Again, this song is full of straight-up anger and hatred towards this simple fact- thoughts and prayers do fuck all, and all they show is that the people who could do something watch others go through traumatising and horrific events and situations and let it be, thinking they've absolved themselves of any action because they said "thoughts and prayers." 

There are quite a few video compilations, on YouTube, which showcase people who have filmed themselves reacting to Taylor Swift's ten-minute-version of All Too Well and, whenever the lines change from the original version, or she spills the tea, big fucking time, you can watch people's eyes grow as big as saucers, their jaws drop, or they'll swear, pause the song, and try to make sense of what they've just heard. If anyone had filmed me the first time I listened to Heart Attack Man's Cool 2 Me, they would have witnessed an eerily similar reaction. Remember Notes App Apology? Cool 2 Me is the sequel, the sister song, maybe even the evil twin. It's beyond a dig or a stab, and it's aimed at the people who, when confronted with an acquaintance of theirs or a friend who has just been outed for sexual assault, their gut reaction is to say they find it hard to believe, because they know the accused party, and they could never do that. When I first heard the line "He isn't like that, I've known him for years / He never raped me / Never hit me / Never groomed me when I was fifteen," my jaw literally hit the London concrete. Real talk, this song came out about two weeks after the most serious allegations of sexual misconduct against All Time Low's guitarist Jack Barakat, and these words felt perfect to a, describe the band's reaction and b, come to terms with the mess of emotions, the disgust and the disappointment.

The first proper single and taste of the EP Heart Attack Man gave the world was single Pitch Black, which snuck its way quite high into my Spotify Wrapped playlist, despite coming out a the end of September- that's how much I have listened to it in a short amount of time. Sound-wise, it's still heavier than anything pre-Thoughtz & Prayerz, but it feels more reminiscent of late 90s pop-punk. (The Offspring vibes are unreal, especially in the choruses, and it's a major compliment.) Still in Eric Egan's words, Pitch Black addresses "human missteps in overcoming trauma. Personal growth doesn't always happen in a perfectly linear fashion, and that's okay." On top of being a subject matter that hits close to home for me, the line "Hold out your hand to me / Take me to a place in hell where / Having self-esteem seems selfish and unhealthy" reminds me of something I have tangibly gone through, being told that getting better was selfish of me, and it wasn't fair of me to feel good about myself again because the person on the other side of this wasn't. The line feels like a punch in the gut every time, but an extremely cathartic experience at the same time, which is a combination often at the core of music I hold super close to my heart and my constant recovery process.

The final track, Leap Year, also tackles recovery and taking stock of the years you have spent battling, knowing there is still a lot to do and go through, but celebrating the journey so far. ("At 19 / I didn't think I'd make it to 23 / But I'm happy to be here.") Since its release, the song has been the soundtrack to a TikTok trend that saw people sharing their glow ups from nineteen to twenty-three. Even though I haven't seen any of the videos and don't use the platform myself, I love the repeated examples that it does get better, the evidence and the reminders. It's a long hard road full of twists and turns, but it does get brighter eventually. The second half of the song reflects on strength gained along the way ("Everything crashing over me / Nowadays feels so weightless"), and I can't help but imagine hearing this live and celebrating the growth I have done since I was nineteen and broken, even though I haven't been twenty-three in quite a while, now. Sound-wise, Egan described it as "a Heart Attack Man wearing a Sum 41 Halloween costume kind of vibe," and the only thing I can say about this is that I wish I came up with a sentence like that myself.

Heart Attack Man have recently toured all across the United States alongside Neck Deep and, though I'll still bang on about how annoyed I am the Welsh lot is bringing every support act from the tour on the European leg except for them, I'm super happy to see a hard-working band like them take such big steps. (Hopefully, the other side of the Atlantic will be the next one.) They have also announced their first-ever headliner in March and April alongside Covey, Arm's Length, and Blood Root. Thoughtz & Prayerz is phenomenal, a soundtrack of anger as well as the celebration of one's growth, and, in all its surprise, it's the perfect follow up to Fake Blood.