Is it too early to look back on the past year? I mean, anything could happen in the next, what... ten days?
Oh well.

2015 has been, quite honestly and quite simply put, the best year of my life, and as of today, I have never been happier, more myself and more confident. Let me tell you, it feels absolutely brilliant to be able to say that. I am the happiest I have ever been and I wish everyone could experience that feeling. You're all beautiful. You all deserve it.

The best year of my life started, weirdly enough, with a tragedy. On the 7th of January, terrorists entered the Charlie Hebdo buildings and killed some of the journalists, and then proceeded to kill a policeman. Two days later, another terrorist held people hostage in a store and some more people died. To this day, I still do not understand why anyone would have it in their heart to murder men that provided laughter to others. And that scarred me. And I didn't want to go outside of my house but still ended up in Paris on the 8th and at a Twin Atlantic show on the 14th. I suppose you have to live.

The best year of my life also included terminated friendships. Life happens and you're not on the same wavelength anymore and you're sometimes angry, sometimes sad but it's okay. You have to grow. And dammit, I grew. A lot.

I don't really believe in "growing up" as such. I don't think one day you wake up and you leave all your passions behind and you settle and do "grown up" things and not much else. I do grown up things. I live on my own, I care for myself, I do my own grocery shopping, I cook, I do administrative things that I barely understand. But I am still the same emo kid at heart, the one who dad dances at the gig, the one who cries over everything, the one who still "wants a cuddle". Some things never change. And it's okay.

I've learnt so much about myself. I can actually care for my own needs, take care of myself in general. I have a whole lot of love inside of me. I am impatient and uncoordinated. Being passionate is okay. I am excellent at dad dancing. I am a good person. I am smart. I am able to make friends. There are people, out there, who love me for who I am. I can be fearless if I want to. Mustard yellow and lime green make me look sick. I don't hate the smell of mint as much as I thought I did. I have never been as healthy as I have been since I am a vegetarian. I am able to live in a hostel for over five days. I am body confident. I love myself. People care that I write and what I write. I have friends who support me through thick and thin. I can attract boys.

I'm not saying that all these things appeared out of nowhere in 2015. Most of them didn't. But most of them were hidden under a clutter of nasty thoughts, toxic relationships and fears. Now most of these things have gone away, I can see all these things. I am sure 2016 and all the other years to come have more little things like those in stock for me. I haven't peaked. No one peaks. We all keep on growing.

2015 held some of the happiest moments of my life. I have made one of my biggest dreams come true and have moved to the United Kingdom. Your girl is now a resident of Brighton, England. How weird. How amazing. How still unreal. I have made some of the best friends I have ever had. Knowing there are people in this world who are by my side all the time and who I can count on whatever happens, who will calm my drunken (and sober) fears, who encourage me, who support me, who inspire me to better myself on a daily basis is absolutely incredible. I have seen Taylor Swift live and just the thought of it is unreal. She is one of my biggest inspirations and her music has mattered so much over the past eight years, I cannot believe I have seen her for real. I have seen Noel Gallagher and heard Champagne Supernova live. I have seen Brand New play Déjà Entendu in full. I have seen Jim Adkins play an acoustic set three times. I have witnessed my favourite bands and people be successful. I have moved to a new apartment where my brother has projects and plans and God knows he deserves the world.

I have priorities. 

On the 13th of November, terrorists entered the Bataclan during an Eagles of Death Metal gig and have killed almost a hundred people there. By attacking the Bataclan, they have attacked my home. Live music.

Live music is one of the most beautiful things I have in my life and I will always fight for it. They say to put a fucking fight for what you love - mine is for gigs. Nothing beats the energy in an adoring crowd, nothing beats the emotion in music, nothing beats the honesty from an artist.

It reminded me to never give up on that undying love I have for music.

It also encouraged me to be braver. Because, as cliché as it sounds, we only have one shot at this little thing life is. One try. And I want to live mine to the fullest. I want to be the happiest I have ever been. I want to look back and say "I loved this". 

I got braver.

I shared this little blog thing with the world and I am proud of it and of myself, oh so proud.

Apart from unrealistic things like living in the knowledge that climatic issues are behind us or for Architects to stop hating on The Here and Now, I want one main thing - a romantic relationship. I am ready to have someone in my life. I also would like to work for Lush and to go to Barcelona. 

For the world? I just wish we all lived by this motto : "Always love, hate will get you anytime". More love, more kindness, more respect, more tolerance, less hate, less boxes in which to put people, less hatred on the grounds of "I am educating you, you problematic rat", more self love, less romanticisation of mental health issues and toxic relationships, more puppies, less BBQ sauce. 

(I will write a 2015 review music and gig wise too. Have a happy Christmas, whoever reads this)